Monday, January 4, 2010

Just thinkin' ..............

I just finished watching a documentary on relationships- not so much a "how- to -do- it" as an observation of physical reactions and markers in the complicated relationships we all experience.
Babies,children,parents, friends and mates-

I was captivated by the compilation of observations- though none of it was new to me. It was good to watch it at length and think about the fragility of it all and just how hard it is to maintain all those relationships!

In capsule form here's what I was reminded of
- babies need lots of cuddling
-parents who love their children  aren't perfect
- friends can survive conflicts- marriages are hard work- and life rarely turns out like ya thought!!!!

I was most intruiged by the end result of healthy conflict- it actually strengthened friendships when worked through rather than run from!
UGH! I just hate conflict!!! It's unrealistic but I want everyone to be happy and I hate causing or being part of a conflict. I will go a loooooong way to get away from it!

I realize my outlook isn't healthy so I am taking a look at it- but I'm not looking forward to it.
Pr 27:6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.

The most moving interview was a dad who had adopted an eastern European child.
The boy was adopted after living in an orphanage for 2 yrs. He was reported as being a fussy baby and was emotional when his American parents came on the scene. He was adopted at the same time as another child, a girl, from the same orphanage. She was only 9 months old.
The boy had bonding problems due to the early neglect at the institution.
As a teen his parents were grieved at the lack of emotional contact they were able to establish with this precious boy.
When the reporter asked if "it had all been worth it" or "were they sorry they had gone this route" the dad answered-
" What is   difficult is that I have never been the kind of dad I wanted to be with him- I wanted to shower him with love and acceptance but he was unable to endure it. That has been a hard thing to give up- but ...I suppose.... that I have become the kind of dad he most needed- and maybe that's what a good dad is."

How wise and how gracious! This man was heartbroken by the distance that existed and distraught that there was little hope of it changing- but he loved his son in all the ways that he could.
He defined parenthood for me-
we dream that our children will believe us when we do whats best for them- and we somehow hope they will accept our love in the ways we know best to express it- but it isn't always to be.

Somehow the thought that we were supposed to be "perfect parents" entered in and caused unrealistic expectations that caused frustration and confusion- shoulda seen that comin'!!! 

Shoulda listened to God!!!!! Shame on me!


Kimberly said...

I watched the same PBS show last night, Autumn. I was moved by the father's comments just as you were. Wasn't it all terribly interesting? Amazing how they spend so much time and money researching things that are often very "obvious" to a mom or dad. :)


Beverly said...

Beautiful, Autumn. You have a gift for expression....and I am so very often moved by your words.

Hugs to you


Autumn said...

Thanks for sharing girls! It was a really good thought provoking time!
Relationships are work- no getting around it I guess!